How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots