just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon