Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!