I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it because I queefed?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.