Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.