I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
