I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
