no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
