ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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