I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
