I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
