His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
