made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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