Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
