Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
