My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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