i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize