Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
