so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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