Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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