I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
