why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
