You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
