well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
