Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
