Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
