Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
