Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
