Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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