I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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