I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
