u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I died a long time ago.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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