He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
