U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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