I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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