At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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