My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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