he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
