Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
