He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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