this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize