It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
