Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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