She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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