if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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