Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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