If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need a beard to bite.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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