her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forget how to act sober
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
