ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
