im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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