the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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