i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
