I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
