I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My vagina just recognized that song.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
