If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
