dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
