I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
