My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The power of my boobs compel you
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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