its not stalking. its research.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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