Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
