Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
