One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
