I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
