Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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