I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pants are for mortals
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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