She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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