This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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